How to apologize properly
When you forgot to pick your friend up from the airport, a real apology has three parts: say exactly what you did, name how it affected them, and say what you will do to make it right or to stop it happening again. Leave out but and if. Then stop talking and let them respond, without pushing for forgiveness on your timeline.
About 10 minutes to learnEveryday skill
Mark it once you can do it without this page open.
How to do it
- Apologize soon, in person or by phone if you can, rather than by text.
- Say exactly what you did: I forgot I said I would pick you up, and you waited an hour at the airport.
- Name the effect on them: you were tired, stuck and had to pay for a ride.
- Say sorry without qualifiers, and never add but.
- Offer to make it right where you can: let me pay you back for the ride.
- Say what you will do differently: I am putting every pickup in my calendar with an alert.
- Stop, listen to their response, and accept that they may need time.
Common mistakes
- Saying I am sorry if you were upset, which puts it on them.
- Adding but and an excuse.
- Over-apologizing until they have to comfort you.
- Repeating the same mistake after promising to change.
Quick self-check
Three questions. Your last score is kept in this browser.
Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to apologize properly
What to say
When you forgot to pick your friend up from the airport, a real apology has three parts: say exactly what you did, name how it affected them, and say what you will do to make it right or to stop it happening again. Leave out but and if. Then stop talking and let them respond, without pushing for forgiveness on your timeline.
What to show, in order
- Apologize soon, in person or by phone if you can, rather than by text.
- Say exactly what you did: I forgot I said I would pick you up, and you waited an hour at the airport.
- Name the effect on them: you were tired, stuck and had to pay for a ride.
- Say sorry without qualifiers, and never add but.
- Offer to make it right where you can: let me pay you back for the ride.
- Say what you will do differently: I am putting every pickup in my calendar with an alert.
- Stop, listen to their response, and accept that they may need time.
The check question
Ask: Which is a real apology?
Related skills
- How to cool down when you are angry
- How to be a better listener
- How to give and receive feedback
- Every skill in People and Etiquette
Last reviewed . First published .