How to make friends as an adult man
To make friends as an adult man, join something that meets on a regular schedule, such as a rec league, a climbing gym, a volunteer crew or a class, and keep showing up, because friendship grows from seeing the same people again and again. Say yes to invitations, suggest one specific plan outside the usual setting, and give it months, not weeks.
About 15 minutes to learnEveryday skill
Mark it once you can do it without this page open.
How to do it
- Pick one activity that meets weekly and that you would enjoy even without making friends.
- Go every week for at least two or three months so faces become familiar.
- Get there a bit early or linger a bit after, since that is when the small talk happens.
- Learn names and remember one detail about each person.
- Say yes to invitations, even small ones, especially early on.
- Suggest one specific plan outside the usual setting, such as food after next week's game.
- Follow up afterward, and be the one who organizes the next thing.
- Be patient; it takes many hours together to move from acquaintance to friend.
Common mistakes
- Trying one-off events, where you never see the same people twice.
- Waiting to be invited instead of inviting.
- Giving up after a few weeks.
- Treating every conversation as a job interview for a best friend.
Quick self-check
Three questions. Your last score is kept in this browser.
Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to make friends as an adult man
What to say
To make friends as an adult man, join something that meets on a regular schedule, such as a rec league, a climbing gym, a volunteer crew or a class, and keep showing up, because friendship grows from seeing the same people again and again. Say yes to invitations, suggest one specific plan outside the usual setting, and give it months, not weeks.
What to show, in order
- Pick one activity that meets weekly and that you would enjoy even without making friends.
- Go every week for at least two or three months so faces become familiar.
- Get there a bit early or linger a bit after, since that is when the small talk happens.
- Learn names and remember one detail about each person.
- Say yes to invitations, even small ones, especially early on.
- Suggest one specific plan outside the usual setting, such as food after next week's game.
- Follow up afterward, and be the one who organizes the next thing.
- Be patient; it takes many hours together to move from acquaintance to friend.
The check question
Ask: What kind of activity helps most?
Related skills
- How to keep friends as an adult
- How to make small talk
- How to network without being awkward
- Every skill in Friends and Headspace
Last reviewed . First published .