How to make small talk
Small talk works best when you start from the shared setting, ask open questions that begin with how or what, and listen for a detail you can follow up on. Share a little about yourself in return so it does not feel like an interview. When the conversation winds down, end it warmly with a reason and a name, rather than drifting away in silence.
About 15 minutes to learnEveryday skill
Mark it once you can do it without this page open.
How to do it
- Start from what you share right now: the event, the host, the food, the place.
- Ask an open question that begins with how or what, such as asking how they know the host.
- Listen for a detail, such as a trip, a job or a hobby, and ask one follow-up about it.
- Share something of your own that connects, in a sentence or two.
- Keep safe topics going: work, weekend plans, food, travel, sports, shows.
- Steer away from money, politics and religion with people you have just met.
- End warmly: it was good to meet you, Alex, I am going to grab a drink.
Common mistakes
- Asking yes or no questions that stall the conversation.
- Firing question after question without sharing anything.
- Waiting for your turn to talk instead of listening.
- Staying in a fading conversation because you do not know how to leave.
Quick self-check
Three questions. Your last score is kept in this browser.
Teach this to someone
A one-page sheet for showing a friend, a roommate or a kid: what to say, what to show, and one question to check it landed.
Teach: How to make small talk
What to say
Small talk works best when you start from the shared setting, ask open questions that begin with how or what, and listen for a detail you can follow up on. Share a little about yourself in return so it does not feel like an interview. When the conversation winds down, end it warmly with a reason and a name, rather than drifting away in silence.
What to show, in order
- Start from what you share right now: the event, the host, the food, the place.
- Ask an open question that begins with how or what, such as asking how they know the host.
- Listen for a detail, such as a trip, a job or a hobby, and ask one follow-up about it.
- Share something of your own that connects, in a sentence or two.
- Keep safe topics going: work, weekend plans, food, travel, sports, shows.
- Steer away from money, politics and religion with people you have just met.
- End warmly: it was good to meet you, Alex, I am going to grab a drink.
The check question
Ask: Which question keeps a conversation going?
Related skills
- How to be a better listener
- How to introduce people and shake hands
- How to make friends as an adult man
- Every skill in People and Etiquette
Last reviewed . First published .